A Letter to My Daughter

Originally a handwritten letter I made for my little girl on January 2010, but never had the chance to publish.   

Dearest Chestene,

I thought about writing you today because I’m missing you this very minute. I am here at work, and while doing the usual things that I do, my thoughts turned to you. I don’t know if it’s because you lost something again in school. I called the “Lost and Found” section and they already informed your teacher about it, in case they find your eyeglasses. Yes, Mamita told me about it.

I’m not mad, really. It’s just that I want you to be RESPONSIBLE in all aspects, at all times. I know it’s a very big word, but I want you to learn it early in life. When you grow up, you will realize how important it is.

But apart from that, today, I just want you to know that I love you—very much, more that anyone could love you today, tomorrow or any day in the future, because I will love you forever. Always remember that even when everybody else leaves you, I will stay and remain to be your best friend and number one fan for life.

Every night, when I look at your face while you are sleeping, I feel overwhelmingly blessed. Extremely blessed. I may not have all the riches in the world, but I have YOU— and that makes me far richer than the richest person in the world. I thank God all the time for bringing you into my life. I often ask Him, what  have I done to deserve such a precious and perfect gift? You are everything I wished for, everything I imagined, every single detail I asked Him for you to be, He has molded and beautifully created.

I just forgot to ask Him to give you clear eyesight, but don’t feel bad. Your eyes are brighter than anyone I know, for it serve as the window where the pureness of your heart shines. Like what I always tell you, it is not something that makes you imperfect in my eyes or in His, but just a slight reminder that you are human, and all humans each have a share of weakness in different forms that make us all unique.

You are beautiful, intelligent, funny, loving, kind, thoughtful, creative and all good things rolled into one. You can be whatever you want to be and so much more, so DREAM BIG. I know you will be the best that you can be. Live each day with the strong confidence and belief that you can achieve whatever you set your mind and heart on. You deserve only the best because you are worth it, so never settle for less.

You will always be my little girl, my precious one, my number one. I promise to do my best to give you the brightest future I could provide. You have so much ahead of you, so many beautiful things and blessings God has in store for you. I have always believed that you are destined to do great things. So live each day full of hope and enthusiasm. Just be patient and prayerful and everything that is meant for you will come in God’s perfect time.

I’m not sure if Mom’s adult talk is boring you already. Probably you are already waiting to be done with this so you can draw, read your books, or write stories. But you can keep this and read it again another day—next week, next month or next year, it doesn't really matter when. Because the words here that show what’s inside my heart, will never ever change.

I love you forever,

MOM

Happy Single Valentine's Day!

My Colorful Heart 2013

So it’s almost Valentine’s Day. 

Do you feel or have succumbed to the pressure of one of the most celebrated events every year? Well, I don’t. You see, one of the perks of being single is the fact that you don’t have to plan your world around the existence of another person you are romantically attached to, everyday—not just on V-Day.

Just a shout out to other fabulous singles: there are things that you can actually do this time of the year, other than cuddling and canoodling or haplessly jumping into a relationship just for the sake of  having someone to spend it with. You can:

(a) stay at home and sleep the day away (saves you money!);

(b) organize 'I Hate Valentine’s Day' party with your single and brokenhearted friends and revel on how being in love sucks;

(c) watch a romantic movie, depress yourself a little, and gorge on the tastiest and 'junkiest' food available;

(d) go out and treat your amazing single self with some head to toe pampering;

(e) write the bucket list of all bucket lists (it’s about time!);

(f) buy yourself flowers and chocolates (read: love yourself!);

(g) list down the qualities of your ideal partner, then envision and practice the Law of Attraction (if you don’t want to spend the next Valentine’s Day alone again, that is); and

(h) a whole lot of possibilities!

You can be bitter or better—whichever you choose, it’s your call. After all, the truth is, it’s just another day and no one can judge you on how you decide to spend it.

Of course, the invisible pressure and the cheesiness of the day will still be squeamishly felt, while ants feast on the sweetness of the syrupy occasion. But there’s more to spending the day as a lovesick couple. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE BEING IN LOVE—so much, I hope I feel it again very soon. It's just that I believe, one can also turn this day into an opportunity to appreciate OTHER people they love. You know, the ones who stay along the sidelines when your world is revolving around one person alone, yet stays with you to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and help you rebuild your life again, long after the love of your life has moved on to another prey.

Spread the love to those who need it too, like family, friends, or even strangers, and make a difference on someone else’s Valentine’s Day. You’ll be surprised how much it will mean to both of you.

As for my plans, sure I’ll spread the cheer around by sending heart-shaped greetings, but I guess I’ll go the usual road of mediocrity with some dose of fun, and end up spending it meaningfully with the people that matter most to me—my family.

Trust me; it will be just as sweet and cheesy, with dozens of assorted heart-shaped Krispy Kreme donuts to devour coupled with big hugs and small kisses.

Happy Hearts' Day!

P.S. Took this photo of the sky last year and turned it into a colorful heart, somehow. Please feel free to share and link back. :)

Confessions of an Impatient Bride

I find myself giggling.

I am here at my favorite bookstore, sitting comfortably on a red cushioned chair set against a wall and looking somewhat silly, chuckling all by myself.

Yep, that’s me in my not-so-flattering office uniform. :-)

I am JUST planning to pick up some school supplies for my Little Lady when my eyes passed through a pink book that, Hmm… looks interesting. And it wasn’t long before I realize there are only a few minutes left before closing, I’m almost finished reading the whole thing and I haven’t picked up a single school supply – the reason I am here for, in the first place.

"Boooo. You mean, you didn’t buy it?" I can almost hear you say. Well, didn’t I mention earlier that I am JUST going to pick up some school supplies (which, of course, slipped my mind) and DO NOT intend to buy anything else?

I just love how the bookstores have evolved into something better nowadays. They now exude a welcoming atmosphere that invites you to stay – letting shoppers sample read in relaxing comfy seats and even incorporating cafés in the setting, where one can have some brew and snacks while in the company of a good book. No pressure to buy. You can read and buy it, if you like or you can just read and leave it.

Anyways, back to the pink book.

It’s remarkable how this dainty book contains my sentiments about love, waiting and praying— Oh, how I can totally relate! For a while I feel that it’s actually talking to me. It tackles not only about anticipating marriage, but just like my old time favorites Our Daily Bread, Didache and Kerygma book companions I used to read in my younger years, it talks about life and faith in general with its signature mixture of wit, wisdom, and loads of inspiration while waiting for Mr. Right.

Just in time for my ---th birth anniversary (a time to turn a year older again) I would like to repeat these very words:

“Years rolled by mercilessly, leaving me still loveless and aging. By then, I was as old as the numbers on a thermometer.

A couple more years passed and my age equaled the temperature of a slight fever. And still I was single! Aaaaargh!

My desperate prayer was, “Lord, please send me the man You will for me to marry before I get a convulsion!”

-Confessions of an Impatient Bride by Rissa Singson-Kawpeng

I love this book! It’s an absolutely must-have for single and searching women wondering why love is taking so long to knock at their doorstep. I will not spill more details, but overall it’s a light and entertaining read that is definitely worth your hard-earned P175 or $4.00.

Click HERE for a sneak peek (just scroll down to view succeeding pages).

Although I already finished reading it, I still plan to get one as a birthday gift for my single, fabulous self. ;-) You should do, too.

Now, what am I supposed to be doing in the bookstore again? Hmm...


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Where is your Passion?

One of the things that most ‘overdue’ singles face is the perennial question, “Why are you still single?” It becomes irritatingly redundant to explain oneself a lot of times on different occasions why you still haven’t met the “one.” Sounds familiar?

I used to think that my prince charming will come searching for me, climbing mountains and crossing the deepest oceans no matter how worlds apart we are. I’ve always believed that searching for him will spoil the entire fairytale story I creatively weaved in my head since childhood. So I waited, and waited.

Until one day, I snapped out of it and realized I’m no Sleeping Beauty and that the prince I was waiting for is actually busy somewhere climbing the corporate ladder, romancing his laptop, has already survived a bunch of relationships, with definitely no idea whatsoever as to who I am, and absolutely not planning anytime soon to search for me on the other side of the world. Times have really changed and in this modern day setting where time is of the essence, this old adage still rings true: “Seek and you shall find.”

I tried a couple of online dating sites in the past but I eventually grew tired of them. True, that I got a lot of interested matches, but the sites that I joined only kept me interested for a short time so I stayed away from them for a while. And just when I’m planning to rekindle my interest to join the dating scene again, did I stumble upon a new online dating site - passion search, which got my attention almost immediately due to a very catchy layout in no less than my favorite color – red.

Registration was a breeze with the nice talking lady who guided me through the whole membership process. It was actually entertaining! If signing up turned out to be fun, then I can’t wait to see more of what this site can offer. Did I mention that I got in for free? Yes, you can also try creating a free account for yourself. I have yet to explore the site’s features and browse through 19 million members in their network to find my match. Hopefully, I get lucky so wish me luck! :)

The Art of Letting Go

This album is one of my all time favorite collections to date. It carries the following beautiful, yet heart-breaking songs:

Tattoed On My Mind (D’Sound), Stranded (Jennifer Paige), I’ll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me (Expose), Without Me (Clair Marlo), Separate Lives (Stephen Bishop), The Art of Letting Go (Mikaila), The Day You Went Away (Wendy Matthews), Stay (Lisa Loeb), Out of Reach (Gabrielle), In This Life (Ronan Keating), Until I get Over You (Christina Milan), One Last Cry (Brian McKnight), Insensitive (Jann Arden), You’re In Love (Wilson Philips), Seasons of Loneliness (Boyz II Men), Steep (Lauren Christy).

Let me pitch in my other personal favorites- Half Crazy (Freestyle), In Another Lifetime (Gary Valenciano) and Alone Again, Naturally (Vonda Shepard), that are also related to the above genre, to complete the list.

I play it over and over again like crazy, in full volume. Yeah, that’s the OC (Obsessive Compulsive) side of me taking over my saner and more tamed persona.

Whenever I feel sentimental (like today, the day before that… oh, everyday?) I just listen to these songs and almost instantly, I’m teleported into memory lane. Um, maybe not teleported really (that’s too “Jumper”-ish), but more in the context of being brought back to relive and savor past memories- happy, sweet, bitter, sour, pungent… well, you get the idea.

The Art of Letting Go. Catchy title, huh?

It got me into thinking, how does one let go? How does one move on? How can one tell he/she has really moved on? When does one say, enough! Cut the drama and carry on?

Have you tried asking yourself these questions? Is there still anger welling up inside of you? Do you still feel that familiar knot in your throat which makes you want to cry? Do you weep for no particular reason at all? Is your heart already numb, cold and unaffected?

While people relentlessly search for answers, turning to expensive relationship gurus for advice and comfort, reading a dime a dozen self help books that can only do so much, these questions still remain open-ended without perfect rationalization.

So while we continue to seek for the answers, in the meantime, we can listen to the songs. That’s actually the art in it. These songs make letting go easier or harder depending on how it affects the listeners.

After having gone through a painful stage, who in his/her right mind would want to listen to break up/letting go songs? You may ask. It’s like rubbing salt and squeezing lemon juice over a fresh wound. So indescribably painful.

But it happens all the time.

So why do people go through the unnecessary torture? I believe it's part of the whole emotional healing process. Only when we rid ourselves of emotional baggage that we feel lighter and less burdened. Everyone has to go through the act of unloading hurt, pain, disappointment, and frustration at some point. And what better way to ignite it, than to listen to songs that tell your story like it was tailor-made just for you.

Let yourself wallow in pain. Savor it! Count your teardrops. Cry a river, if you must. Remember, this too, shall pass. Eventually, after going through the denial, anger, bargaining and depression stages, comes acceptance. The sunshine after the rain. The gold pot at the end of the rainbow.

You are free. Free to live your life again to the fullest. Only now, better, wiser, stronger and more resilient.

And when you listen again to the songs, you will appreciate them through the ears of a music enthusiast. They will still touch your feelings; there will still be memories, yes, and a whole lot of it. But this time, without the pain.

That’s when you can say you have finally let go.