A Letter to My Daughter

Originally a handwritten letter I made for my little girl on January 2010, but never had the chance to publish.   

Dearest Chestene,

I thought about writing you today because I’m missing you this very minute. I am here at work, and while doing the usual things that I do, my thoughts turned to you. I don’t know if it’s because you lost something again in school. I called the “Lost and Found” section and they already informed your teacher about it, in case they find your eyeglasses. Yes, Mamita told me about it.

I’m not mad, really. It’s just that I want you to be RESPONSIBLE in all aspects, at all times. I know it’s a very big word, but I want you to learn it early in life. When you grow up, you will realize how important it is.

But apart from that, today, I just want you to know that I love you—very much, more that anyone could love you today, tomorrow or any day in the future, because I will love you forever. Always remember that even when everybody else leaves you, I will stay and remain to be your best friend and number one fan for life.

Every night, when I look at your face while you are sleeping, I feel overwhelmingly blessed. Extremely blessed. I may not have all the riches in the world, but I have YOU— and that makes me far richer than the richest person in the world. I thank God all the time for bringing you into my life. I often ask Him, what  have I done to deserve such a precious and perfect gift? You are everything I wished for, everything I imagined, every single detail I asked Him for you to be, He has molded and beautifully created.

I just forgot to ask Him to give you clear eyesight, but don’t feel bad. Your eyes are brighter than anyone I know, for it serve as the window where the pureness of your heart shines. Like what I always tell you, it is not something that makes you imperfect in my eyes or in His, but just a slight reminder that you are human, and all humans each have a share of weakness in different forms that make us all unique.

You are beautiful, intelligent, funny, loving, kind, thoughtful, creative and all good things rolled into one. You can be whatever you want to be and so much more, so DREAM BIG. I know you will be the best that you can be. Live each day with the strong confidence and belief that you can achieve whatever you set your mind and heart on. You deserve only the best because you are worth it, so never settle for less.

You will always be my little girl, my precious one, my number one. I promise to do my best to give you the brightest future I could provide. You have so much ahead of you, so many beautiful things and blessings God has in store for you. I have always believed that you are destined to do great things. So live each day full of hope and enthusiasm. Just be patient and prayerful and everything that is meant for you will come in God’s perfect time.

I’m not sure if Mom’s adult talk is boring you already. Probably you are already waiting to be done with this so you can draw, read your books, or write stories. But you can keep this and read it again another day—next week, next month or next year, it doesn't really matter when. Because the words here that show what’s inside my heart, will never ever change.

I love you forever,

MOM

An Officer and a Gentleman

Originally posted on June 2008, as a Father's Day tribute to my Dad, I'm re-posting this on the occasion of his 75th Diamond birthday this year. I may have written this 3 years ago, yet it still carries the overflowing love I have for him and the pride it brings to be his daughter. I read this during his surprise party, to share with everyone how great he is in so many ways and how we love and treasure his presence in our lives.


June is already about to end, but I cannot let it pass without writing about the first man that I ever loved.

My Dad.

Not every child is blessed with the opportunity to be with his/her parents. It is a fact and a sad reality that has become increasingly common nowadays in the society. The prevalence of failed marriages and other factors that break families apart or prevent them from being whole, makes me feel fortunate to have lived my life with the loving presence and guidance of both my mother and father under one sturdy roof.

My dad was a soldier and an officer in the Philippine Army. In his youth, he was a consistent honor student; he was able to put himself through college as a working student, all the way to an MBA degree in Ateneo, by sheer patience and perseverance.

While simultaneously working and attending school, he also devoted his time to help out his family by sending his siblings to school. He is second among the brood of 3 boys and 2 girls, yet he stood as the family's breadwinner.

He met my Mom when he was assigned in Leyte during the late '60s; he fell in love with the lovely Waray lass 11 years his junior and later married her a month after he turned 32. Theirs is a love story that spans 39 years of marriage to date, yet it still carries the same warmth and magic it always had.

Mini Him

I am more like my dad, in many aspects. In fact, he would always joke about me being his 'junior', because of our unmistakable similarities. Apart from our shared love for spicy food, just like him, I am also being commonly referred to as the enigmatic and intimidating silent type who writes more and talks less.

A voracious reader, he ingrained in me the love for reading at a very tender age. I remember his shelf full of books on health, power, how to get rich and positive thinking. Two of his favorite books that he shared with me are Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People and Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking.

So that’s how I got the optimistic virus, huh? He gave me a gift that would carry me through a lifetime.

A Good Soldier

Majority of his assignments were in provinces and NPA (New People's Army) infested remote barrios, where my mom bravely tagged along and experienced distributing hand grenades to soldiers' wives, whenever there's a threat of rebel attack in the community.

My sister and I on the other hand, stayed in Manila counting the days when they will be back home again. We survived the distance through prayers, radio to phone patches, letters, telegrams and scheduled school break vacations with them.

The magic acronym to us then was ETA (Expected Time of Arrival), for that's the time when we will see each other again.

He finally tendered his early retirement in 1987 to be with us, but mainly to spare his integrity from the pressures of corruption from his superiors.

The Survivor

Dad became a health buff later on and buried his nose in health books and medical research. It was then that fate played a trick on him and out of the blue came out the big bad 'C'.

He was diagnosed to have Cancer of the vocal cord in 2003.

It was heartbreaking and world-shattering to be told that this man who hasn't smoked a cigar in his lifetime, doesn't drink liquor and is leading a relatively healthy lifestyle had this particular disease already in its advanced stage.

Nevertheless, we did not lose hope. As a family, we had to be strong enough to face this trial head-on. We armed ourselves by storming the heavens with prayers and thoroughly researched about the disease and its treatment. We opted for surgery, but dad compromised that whatever happens, chemotherapy and radiotherapy will never be an option.

The operation was successful, but the recuperating stage was the most emotionally and physically draining aspect of the treatment. A tracheostomy tube was temporarily placed in the hole/stoma in his throat after the operation, where a continuous supply of mucus come from.

I had to learn how to suction to keep his air passage clear, every time. I, who faint at the mere sight of blood, was able to survive this medical nightmare.

This has made our family stronger in more ways imaginable. With God's grace, dad has remained Cancer-free to date, but the trial doesn't end there. Currently, he is under continuous medication for congestive heart failure.

Physically he is strong, but anatomically, his heart has gone weak. Even the doctors were amazed on how he survived this condition without major attacks and other physical manifestations. He attributes this miracle to taking alternative supplements religiously that improved his overall well-being.

The Best Father

I know this post has gone longer than I originally planned, but there will never be enough words to describe this great man who is a loving and loyal husband, a good father, a role model and a prayerful son of God. He is one of the few men who gives justice to the word 'father' in its truest essence and meaning.

They say that a dad will know if he has been a good father when his daughter's ideal man is 'just like daddy'. This rings true because I would also like to end up with someone who is just like my first love, my hero and real super man.

Thank you dad, for all that you are and all that you've given to make our family what it is today - solid and God-centered. In my heart, you will always be the best father and teacher. I love you!

Happy 75th Birthday, Dad!


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I Enjoyed My Century Bangus Fillet at my Most Favorite Place in the World, where my Heart is...

This story could have happened somewhere fancy, exciting, in a faraway place, depicting an adventure of a lifetime, with the most thrilling circumstances. I would have wanted that. But real life situations present limited opportunities, in my case at least.

It's difficult to keep up with the current pressure of Christmas gift-giving season and still squeeze in a little luxury of going out once in a while with my beautiful and smart 8-year old, more so an out-of-town getaway during hard times like this. Lately, I have limited our bonding moments outside the home, much to the pain of my maternal heart whenever I see the sad look of disappointment in her eyes.

So what else does a mother do in times like this? I have always believed in making the most of what I have at the moment, to create the best possible situation. So one Saturday, after my usual litany of why we could not go to her favorite pizza restaurant for the nth time this month, I quickly said there is no need to fret, because we are going to have some fun! And just like a happy trooper, her eyes glowed with anticipation about the ‘plan’.

Since we both love to read and make stories on just about anything, I knew she would surely enjoy what I had in mind. During the typhoon season, I created a fictional story ‘The Adventures of Sourbie’, to make brownout nights at home more interesting and bearable for her, in the absence of television. She enjoyed it so much that she now looks forward to the next power outage, with the hope of hearing another Sourbie adventure. :)

I told her this time, it is going to be more fun because she is going to star in a children’s story, not only in words, but also in pictures! It has been my lifelong dream to publish my own books – novels and children’s books, but never really got to it just yet (along with the rest of my other goals yet to be fulfilled). Half-written manuscripts still continue to gather dust and cobwebs in my drawer, but this might just be the boost I need to inspire me to continue writing again.

With overflowing enthusiasm and glee, she declared: “Okay Mom, let’s do it!!!”

This is how our memorable collaboration went. Just click on the photos to read the story clearly. :-)

THE GOOD FISH

The mini photo shoot was a blast. We laughed our hearts out at each and every photo I took, as she tried to project the needed expression. I never thought it would turn out to be this MUCH fun; even more fun than our trips to the mall and playing at Timezone.

Chestene’s current favorite is Century Tuna in oil. I just recently introduced her to Century Bangus Fillet Spanish style that she also loved in a heartbeat. Most kids her age normally dislike food with a hint of spice, but just like I took after my Dad, who loves spicy food, now she appears to have taken it after me, as well.

She always hears my Dad, who is a Cancer survivor with Congestive Heart Failure say how important it is to eat fish because of its Omega 3 goodness and how it protects one from various diseases. I will not be surprised if she starts to raid my Mom's stock of Century Bangus Fillet in the pantry from now on.

Surprisingly, it did not cost much to create one of the best memorable moments with my little girl and I did not need to go elsewhere to savor the goodness of my Century Bangus Fillet. I enjoyed it with the love of my life, at my most favorite place in the world, exactly where my heart is – our home.

Truly, Century Bangus Fillet can be enjoyed anytime, anywhere!

“You’re the 1, Goldilocks”

They say that when you’re all grown and busy with adult life and all its entanglements, it’s easy to get jaded. True. And whenever that happens, I try to pull myself from the present and do a little reminiscing of happy memories from way back, when things were simpler.

The journey usually brings me back to my childhood and one of the most exciting days I looked forward to every year – my birthday. And in that almost blurry memory of home-cooked food, balloons, gifts, giggles and games, one thing always stood out – Dad, carrying my birthday cake in pink and white icing, embellished with colorful sugar flowers in one corner, where the beautiful princess donning a pretty pink gown gracefully rests.

So much has changed through the years that even Dad, the strongest man in the universe for me then, is now in his golden years surviving Congenital Heart Disease. Still, it’s amazing how the memory of a birthday cake makes me glow with so much love until now. I have my parents to thank for that.

I promised myself that when I become a mother, I will give my little one the same, if not, the best childhood memories I can create. But as fate would have it, unlike fairytale endings, the princess did not end up with a prince and lived happily ever after (well at least, not yet). I became a single parent with a beautiful, smart and talented daughter who is the love of my life. I thought it would be hard to build the same happy memories with my little girl without her Dad, carrying a birthday cake in pink and white icing, embellished with colorful sugar flowers in one corner, where the beautiful princess donning a pretty pink gown gracefully rests.

I'm glad, I was wrong.

Thank God for my wonderful supportive family, relatives and great friends, I am able to muster all the strength needed to brave the challenges of single parenthood. Good thing there is also Goldilocks, to make parenting life sweeter and my little girl’s birthdays even more magical than mine:

Background graphics and logo used courtesy of Goldilocks

From a true blue Goldilocks baby, you might want to try Chestene's Goldilocks Buttered Puto in Parmesan Cheese. She made this simple recipe last March, and it's been a family favorite eversince. Just roll the Puto in a generous bed of Parmesan Cheese and it's good to go!


I hope that someday when Chestene is all grown, and she looks back to recall happy memories of her childhood, she will remember me preparing her lunchbox favorites Fluffy Mamon, Egg Pie and Puto in Parmesan Cheese for her baon, our frequent trip to the neighborhood Goldilocks bakeshop after attending Sunday Mass to buy her favorite Hopia Monggo, the Cathedral Windows and Leche Flan “surprise” in small covered containers when I come home from the office, the Brazo de Mercedes she never gets enough of, as a prize for getting good grades in school, or Mommy holding the prettiest birthday cake with the brightest candles for her to blow.

But above all these, I hope she feels enveloped with the same glow of love that tells her how special and treasured she will always be, and how Mommy tried so hard to give her only the very best.

You’re the 1, Goldilocks because just like a true friend, you help me weave the sweetest memories of love and the real essence of being a family. Thank you for the gift of special memories that my daughter and I will cherish for a lifetime.

Two Lessons I Learned from My Child Today

It’s been sometime since I last thoroughly organized the contents of my Little Lady’s school bag. So when I had the chance a while ago, I turned it upside down to get broken crayons, short and over-sharpened pencils, candies and lots of pieces of pad paper folded into different shapes.

Some of them crumpled, while the others are neatly folded with the label “secret” on top. No- they are not love letters this time. :)

I patiently looked at each piece of paper. I'm not the type to throw things right away; I'm too sentimental for that. I keep her notes, drawings and anything worth saving to stash in her memory box.

In the pile of paper, there were drawings, quizzes, stories, letters from her classmates and her own letters to God. Everyday her teacher asks the students to write to God first thing in the morning, before starting class. What a way to start the day!

It made me think of my own daily prayer habit. Sometimes, I forget to say my morning prayers because I’m always rushing off to work; then at night, when I feel so tired, I doze off without even saying, “Thank you, Lord.”

I'm guilty to the nth degree.

Lesson #1: Always put God first.

We get too busy and sometimes self-absorbed in our own world, to even say a quick prayer to the ONE who gave us everything we have today.

It's always good to start the day with a prayer to ask for strength and protection to carry out our daily tasks, guidance to do what is right and just, and both physical and spiritual blessings to get us through.

She was happy when she came home today because she received a St. Michael medal for sharing last Sunday’s Gospel. I thought she found the paper she’s been looking for early this morning - her interpretation of the Gospel. She was very eager to show it to Sr. Estrella, a nun in her school, but it turned out that she wasn’t able to find her work, so she just explained it to the class. The nun commended her because she knew the Gospel not only in words, but by heart.

Lesson #2: Listen and understand the Gospel.

How often do you find yourself sleepy in church when it comes to hearing the priest’s sermon? Why do people start to feel drowsy at that exact moment?

A priest once said that it must be the work of the devil, and I believe him. I always experience being awake the whole time, but when the sermon starts, my eyes feel heavy right away as if I’ve been sprinkled with sleeping dust; only to feel awake again the minute it’s done.

Psychological? I don't think so.

When people fail to hear the Gospel, they miss out on the teaching; and that makes the devil rejoice. It’s like going to class, falling asleep during the lecture, learning nothing and flunking the exams afterward.

God asks for only an hour of our time each week, and yet we come late, fall asleep, and become altogether inattentive while we're in His home.

Why is it so hard to spare an hour of undivided attention to Him, when we can do meetings and appointments that we willingly devote our focus and attention to?

They say it's human nature. Yes, we always blame it to human nature.

I’m thankful I have my daughter to constantly remind me of important lessons I’m missing out because I’m too jaded and preoccupied living my life as a multitasked adult.

She nudges me to stop and smell the flowers once in a while. She is my life, but I never thought I could also learn from her how to truly live.


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To My Child

Child Discipline, My Style

One look at my daughter and most people we meet are quick to judge that she is a spoiled brat. I’m talking about plain first impression here - just an observation of her innate bubbliness and self confidence.

She looks like a kid who gets anything on a whim, with just a whine or a snap of her little fingers. Well, that is not even close to who she really is.

So English is her first language, which makes her look like a snob to some kids her age who speak the native tongue; she looks like a Barbie doll when she sports fashionable clothes often mistaken as expensive and branded, which were actually just put together from the nice pieces I chance upon in clothing store sales; she hummed her first song, "Canon in D" by Pachelbel, when she was a year old and sang her first full song,“You”, by Karen Carpenter when she was barely 2 years old, no wonder she loves to perform in front of a crowd without having to push her to do so; she is inquisitive, mingles well with adults and can carry a sensible conversation; she is also smart, loving, charming, funny - every parent’s dream daughter. But above everything that she is, I’m lucky that she grew up to be very down-to-earth and nowhere near a brat.

Young and gifted as she is, I always tell her to remember these words: “You can be the best that you can be, but in this world, you cannot have everything you want.” My Dad taught me that early in life.

The BMX bike was the latest craze when I was young and almost all of my friends already got theirs from their parents. So my sister and I were crying our eyes out to have our own, but Dad stood firm and did not give in. He felt it was too early for us to have it. I’ll never forget what he said to us then:

"When you ask God for something, and it doesn't come, there are 2 reasons why: 1. It's not yet time for you to have it, but it will come in His own time and schedule, or, 2. He doesn't want you to have it because it will do you no good."

We never questioned his decision from then on; and true enough, we got the bike at a later time as a gift from a family friend.

That’s exactly what I’m teaching my daughter now - to understand why there are things that she cannot have. Be it a new toy, a circumstance, a wish that she so desires, I ask her to be patient; for if it is meant to be hers, it will come in its own perfect time.

I’m glad that now, I don’t need the rod or belt to discipline my child. When she was younger, she needed a spank or two and a shout with my matching engorged eyes look, to send the message that she’s doing something wrong. But as she grew older, I discovered that words are far more powerful to instill lessons meant to be remembered for life.

Forgive me if I don’t fully believe in the saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

Yes, I had my fair share of belt whacks on the behind from my Mom when I was young, and I turned out just fine. That’s the popular mode of discipline being practiced before, but nowadays kids are different; they have become incredibly smart, mature and receptive. I believe that talking to them and explaining why a certain deed is wrong is better than inflicting physical pain to let them remember out of fear, the repercussion of their wrongdoings.

I try to keep an open communication with the little lady and constantly assure her that she can tell me anything – both the good and the bad. I don’t want her to keep secrets out of fear of punishment or rejection. In fact, between the two of us, we have a "No Secret Policy." :)

She still gets Mommy's tiger look; the occasional high pitch voice calling her name in full; the timeout and the silent corner when she gets out of control.

But it is best that she knows that no matter what, Mommy will always be here to love and understand her unconditionally. I think that's an important truth she needs to remember, most of all.

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This is my official entry to the Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival (PPBC) 7th Edition "How Do You Discipline Your Kids?" hosted by The Working Mom.


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What Type of Parent are You?

Just this morning, the Little Lady had another one of those crying episodes. She’s turning 7 in a month’s time and I wonder if she is undergoing another transition the way she does every single year, coinciding with the month preceding her birth anniversary.

Her Dilemma

It all started when she’s trying to draw this morning. With her early schedule in school, it’s been a while since she made her last artwork. After one attempt, not quite satisfied with what she made, she asked me to draw for her.

I told her to try again, like I always do, when she can’t get things right the first time. She kept on insisting, but I said she can do it on her own. Then out of the blue, she burst into tears and blurted “But I can’t draw like you. My drawings are ugly!”

We’ve been through this before. In fact, this is the fourth time. She tries to compare her work with mine; setting the same standard for herself.

A part of the Leo-Virgo borderline personality in her is slowly emerging. She’s starting to show signs of being a perfectionist. I also noticed that she’s becoming more sensitive or ‘onion-skinned’ [from the Filipino term balat (skin) sibuyas (onion)] lately.

It’s easy to explain why a work of an adult is different from the work of a 6 year old. But making her accept it is the hardest part of all. You know how kids are; they don’t get convinced that easily.

Mom Says

So here’s my explanation:

“When I was your age, I can’t draw like you do. It took me years before I was able to make the drawings that I do today. But you, you’re only 6 and yet you can already make beautiful artwork. You have your own style and people love it as it is. Don’t try to copy my drawings, because that will mean losing your style. Always try to be unique because you are special in your own way. There is only one you, in this world.

But I can’t do it. It’s ugly.

Who says your drawings are ugly? Only you. How will you expect others to see its beauty, when you don’t believe in it? You always have to believe in yourself before others can believe in you. What you have is a gift from God. When you don’t appreciate and use that gift, one day He might take it away.”

This may sound too “duhhh!” for a 6 year old. But I’m glad this 6 year old understands. I try to treat her as a mature individual on matters that will shape her mindset for life.

What Matters Most

I am more particular on building the right kind of self confidence in her. The kind that does not result in false pride; but the kind that will steer her towards achieving great dreams in the future and will always remind her to believe in herself and what she is capable of, even when others don’t.

In addition, I would like to quote my winning entry in Smart Parenting Baby Magazine’s August 2004 Q&A:

“What is the one trait or quality you would like your child to possess when he grows up and why?

I would like my daughter to grow up an optimistic person; someone who sees the good in everything. Her positive outlook will make her resilient in facing life's difficulties and struggles; building strength of character, perseverance, and the virtue of patience in the process. And because she believes that every individual possesses innate goodness, what she sees through her profound concept of what is good will help her encourage those who lack self confidence and uplift those who have a poor sense of self, by helping them realize their positive qualities. She will then develop altruism, selflessness and the gift of hope that will always be with her in whatever she does or whatever situation she faces.”

So What Type of Parent am I?

I guess it would be generic to say that I’m the kind who only wants the best for my child. Don’t we all wish for the same?

But I guess in my own terms, I’m the kind of parent who prioritizes more on equipping my child with all that she needs; with more importance on these key areas - psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

Just like a soldier who will face a thousand battles later on, I’m preparing her for life.

Should she dream of becoming a Philippine president in the future, I wouldn’t worry about how she will achieve that. I’ll be more worried about the kind of president she will turn out to be, if I don’t instill the significance of good values now.

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This is my official entry to the Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival (PPBC) 6th Edition hosted by Happy Family Matters.

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